Renos Chalenge
by Torn Angel
Summary: Has big headed Reno finaly met his match? Will he be a slave or will Elena and Rude be donning tu-tus? Rated PG 13 for language! Please R&R cos it makes me feel good! more chappies to come and any sugestions would be helpfull! Please don't flame to bad!
1. The Chalenge

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with the wounderfull game of Final Fantasy VII. Henna, however is my creation, not Squaresofts, not anyone elses, MINE! MINE YOU HEAR ME! MINE!  
  
Vincent Valentine: Do shut up.  
  
Claire: Well if your soooooo smart, YOU do the disclaimer!  
  
Vincent: You have allready done it.  
  
Claire: FINE! THEN YOU WRITE THE WHOLE FRIKEN STORY MR. IMUSTPUNISHMYSELFFORALLTHESINSIHAVECOMITEDBYSLEEPINGINAFRIKENCOFFINFOR30FRIKENYEARS!  
  
Vincent: No. Why am I here?  
  
Claire: Ok. On with the hyperness!!!!  
  
(I wish to, in no way cause ANY offence to Red Heds in this fic, unless u r Reno in witch case you should find this very degrading)  
  
Vincent: Why am I hear???!!!!  
  
Claire: Hush or you won't get your gun back!  
  
Vincent: Oww, ok :(   
  
Claire: Or is it :[ lol!  
  
************************************************  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The Challenge  
  
-------------  
  
"I'm tellin' ya' Rude, I could win over any girl in this place!" boasted a thin, redheaded man over his second pint of beer. The bald man snickered.  
  
"Reno, are you sure your only drinkin' beer mate?" He laughed, and a blond woman on the left of him giggled silently.  
  
"Yeah Ren, your hair has fried your brain!" She got a nasty look from the man.   
  
"Stow it bimbo!" Reno replied. He was sober! He thought, Who do those two think they are! "I'm serious! Look, just pick one girl, any girl, in this ENTIRE place and by this time next week, I'll have her eating out of the palm of my hand!"   
  
"What's the stakes?" asked Rude. This'll be fun, He thought.  
  
"Ummm, how about this, if you win, I'll... I'll be you and 'Lanys slave for a month!"  
  
"Two months, and you have to have kissed her for aproxamatly three seconds, on the lips, and there has to be a witness" Chirped Elena, eager to see the obnoxious redhead suffer.  
  
"Ok two months! And if I win..."  
  
"Key word being 'IF'" chuckled Rude.  
  
"Look, shut up! If I win you and Miss. Airhead have to go to Cloud Strife's house, in Tu-Tus and ask to clean his bathroom!!"  
  
"Tu-Tus?"  
  
"Pink Tu-Tus!"  
  
"Ok, deal." Now, Rude thought, which girl... He looked at Elena.  
  
"Oh no no no no ! It can't be one of us!" she cried. "Ok, how about her?" she pointed at the bar keeper, who had suspiciously large breasts.  
  
"Nah" said Rude "To slutty." Reno mumbled something about women can never be to stutty. "Her!" Rude gestured at a rather drunk looking ninja.  
  
"No way! She fancies him all ready! Do you want to clean Clouds loo in a Tu-Tu!!! Your making it to easy! I know...." She leaned over to Rude and wispered somthing in his ear. A evil smile wandered on to his face.   
  
"Good idea!!" he turned to Reno "Ok, your girl will be the new Turk, Henna!" Elena laughed behind her hand and started making a list of chores for Reno to do. Henna, thought Reno, Never herd of her, named after a flower, how tuff could it be?  
  
"Ok Rude, you might as well by a Tu-Tu 'cos your 'gonna dance! Where's the lucky girl?" Reno smiled. The bald man pointed to a girl sitting at the corner of the bar. Her long, chestnut hair was twisted into thousands of little plaits. Her big silvery blue eyes flamed cheekily and her skin was flawless and white. Her nose yeilded a single diamond stud that flashed when she turned her head. She even had managed to make the Turk uniform flatter her perfect figure. Shit, thought Reno, she's pretty! I thought bimbo and baldy hear were going to set me up with some toad! This is gonna be to easy!! I mean, I thought Tifa had big ones, but hers! Wow!  
  
"Ok, your on! Stand back, master at work!" He walked casually over to the girl, and sat on the stool beside her. She turned to look at him and Reno flashed one of his patented 'Reno smiles'.   
  
"Hay babe," He flirted "What's a pretty face like yours doing alone on a saturday night?"   
  
"My boyfriend dumped me so I'm drowning my sorrows" she held up a half full bottle of brandy "Not workin' so far though"  
  
"Hay, what did he dump such a fine specimen for?"  
  
"I beat him up!" Henna retorted, crushing the bottle in her fist "He cheated on me with some bitch named Scarlett!" Renos eyes widened. Uh oh, He thought. On the other side of the room Rude and Elena where cracking up with laughter. This is bad, I wasn't expecting her to be tough! Bimbos and slutts I can do but... No Reno, keep cool, you can do this. Your Reno for fucks sake!  
  
"So...uh, can I buy you a drink some time?" Reno regained his composure.  
  
"Ok, how about right now?" Henna gestured to the bar keeper and she came over with the bill. Henna handed it to Reno, "Thanks, I had a grate time. Bubye!" and waltzed out of the bar. Reno sat there, open mouthed and looked at the bill, then at the empty stool beside him, then back at the bill.   
  
"I'll call you!! What just happened here?" He demanded. The bar keeper looked at him sympathetically.  
  
"It's called rejection, Hon. That'll be twenty gill please." 


	2. A Dark Solution

Disclimer:  
  
Vincent: Why am I here??  
  
Claire: Cos last time I let you out you got abducted by furbies!  
  
Vincent: (realization dawns on his face) Ohhhhh Yeahhhhh....  
  
Claire: Anyway, I do not own FFVII yadyyadyyada.   
  
Vincent: Can I go now?  
  
Claire: Nope! Your in this chappie!   
  
Vincent: Joy. Pass the popcorn.  
  
Claire: You have popcorn?!?!?!?  
  
Vincent: No, I'm asking YOU to pass the popcorn.  
  
Claire: Ohh (passes popcorn)  
  
Vincent: Thanks (Eats popcorn)  
  
Tiax: TIAX RULES ALL!!  
  
Claire: Cheese off Tiax!  
  
Tiax: (Crashes into Vincent and spills the popcorn)  
  
Vincent: Hay! My popcorn! :,,,(  
  
Claire: I would hug you but, Im not attracted to you in any way (hear that YamiDragon!!!!! None at all!!!) so...  
  
Vincent: Thanks. You realy know how to find a guys week spot don't you?  
  
Claire: Its the one good thing I lerned from my sister.  
  
Vincent: I have lost the love of my life, had demons planted in my head, had a dirty grate lump of mettle atached to my arm to replace a hand and have been chucked in a coffin for thirty years. But no. Thats not enough to atone for my sins, I now cant even get a hug from a demented 13yr old who is forcing me to write disclaimers and who's anoying megalomainiac muse just spilt the last bag of popcorn. I am just going to go to a corner and.....  
  
Claire: Vincent! Don't be like that! I need you for this chapter! *sigh* Fine I'll hug you (Hugs Vincent) There! Happy! You should eat more!  
  
Vincent: Fine, I'll stay, but don't expect me to hug Tiax or anything!   
  
Claire: OK, fanfic time! Pass the popcorn...  
  
Vincent and Tiax: (evil look)  
  
Claire: Whaaaaaat?  
  
**************************************  
  
A Dark Soultion  
  
----------------  
  
Reno sat there stunned. Re-Jec-Ted? Huh? This had never happened before!   
  
"Not so easy eh? She's a tuff cookie that one!" Said a happy Rude.  
  
"You better start answering me 'Yes Mistress' !" Giggled Elena. Reno couldn't take anymore of this and dashed out before anyone relized he had been turned down.   
  
"Ok handsome" he muttered to himself "Need some advice, who knows about tuff girls? Ah Haaaa!" Reno called for a cab. "Yes, can you take me to '#13 Blood Road' please? Yes, turn left at the graveyard and then to the right thats it! I'm outside Seventh Haven. Be here as fast as you can!" Bleep.  
  
*************************************  
  
Bang bang bang ! Reno knocked at the door as the taxi sped away. No answer. He knocked louder. BANG BAG BANG! Still no answer. He banged on the door with al his might. BANG!!!!! BANG!!!!!! Click. Reno found Death Penalty pressed against his throught.   
  
"Vincent, hi!" he said cheerily, eyeing the gun "Glad your up!"  
  
"I wasn't up, Turk" snarled an unhappy Vincent. (A/N For anyone who want's to know, Vincent wears blue and white striped pajamas) "What are you doing on my front step at three in the god forsaken morning?"  
  
"I need your help!" Vincent removed the gun from Renos Adams apple.   
  
"What kind of help?"   
  
"Y'see theres this girl..."  
  
"Not interested." Vincent started to close the door. Reno quickly stuck his foot in between the door and the door frame.  
  
"Come on Vin you have to help me!!"  
  
"And just why is that?"  
  
"Um, cos, you just do! Please man! Turk to Turk...  
  
"I am no Turk Reno!"  
  
"Um, Ok, former Turk! Guy to guy! Come on!!" Reno pleaded.  
  
"*Sigh* Fine I'll help, what about this girl and why is it I who must help you?"  
  
"Her name is Henna, and she's a new Turk recruit. And shes damn tuff man! I'm good with slutts and bimbos but I've got NO experience in tomboys!" Vincent gave him a pitying look.  
  
"And why did you come to me?"  
  
"'Cos your all ways paired off with Yuffie so...."  
  
"That's not my fault! That is the fault of evil perverted authors. Not me!" (A/N Or me!)  
  
"But you've been out with her sooooooo many times you must have SOME idea!!" The thoughts in Renos head where this: Damn just answer my questions man! And Vincents: I wanna go to sleep! Why is he bothering me!? "Ok" surrendered Vincent "To deal with girls like Yuffie you must simply, ignore them! Don't talk to her, and she'll be all over you like cigarette smoke on Cid. Ok, got the info? Not to complicated? Good! Goodnight!" And Vincent slammed the door.   
  
"Ignore her eh? Ok! Rude'll be wearin a Tu-Tu yet!" Reno switched on his mobile, iluminating his pale face. A little sign flashed 'Battery Low' and the phone died, plunging him into darkness. "Shit!" Reno stuffed the phone into his pocket and kicked a stone on Vincents path. It rolled into the darkness. Somewhere in the distance , a wolf howled. "HAY VINCENT!" Reno shouted.  
  
"WHAT?" came the reply from inside the house.  
  
"CAN I USE YOUR PHONE?!?!?"   
  
**************************************  
  
It was Sunday morning. Seven thirty in the morning to be exact. Reno was asleep (A/N Awwww, he's so much less obnoxious when he's sleeping). His alarm blared loudly, filling the room with the annoying voice of Reeve. He was on a talkshow presented by Link from Zelda (A/N A talk show presented by a mute? Ah well I'm sapped for ideas)Reno rolled over and whacked the clock radio, falling out of his bed in the process.  
  
"Oww!" he rubbed his back and got up. Ok, he thought, time to put 'Operation Completely-ignore-Henna-and-in-doing-so-winning-her-over-and-getting-to-see-Rude-and-Elena-in-Tu-Tus into action! Shit, I gotta think of a shorter code name! He got dressed and brushed his hair into its usual ponytail. He told the girl at the hotel desk he was going out and headed down to the Turks HQ. Sure enough, Henna was there-Talking to Tseng! Shit! He thought, Gotta get Henna away from him or I'll have no chance! Think Reno, think! Ah ha! Reno grabbed a piece of paper from his pocket and quickly scribbled a note on it. He privately thanked his years of lerning forgery in the slums. He walked silently up to Tseng. Tseng took the note, read it, nodded and walked off. Reno continued on past Henna, brushing his shoulder ever so slightly against hers. Henna let him continue a few steps and then turned around.  
  
"Hey!" she said "Your that guy from the bar last night! I didn't know you were a Turk!"  
  
"There's alot of things people don't know about me." Reno said solemnly.  
  
"Well, can I start by lerning your name?"  
  
"Reno, my name's Reno"  
  
"Well, hi Reno. I'm..."  
  
"Henna, I know"  
  
"How?"  
  
"I have my ways" It's working! He thought   
  
"So, I guess I'll see you around, Reno"  
  
"Yeah, maybe" and with that he walked off. He is so hot, thought Henna and then hit herself for doing so. 


	3. The Ninja Bratt

Disclaimer:  
  
Vincent: I DO NOT WEAR WHITE AND BLUE STRIPED PAJAMAS!!!  
  
Claire: Ok, what do you wear then?  
  
Vincent: Why do you wan't to know?  
  
Claire: Curiosity I guess. I'm a curios person. I also have a weird obsession with sniffing people. Oh yeah that reminds me... (Sniffs Vincent)  
  
Vincent: Hey, what are you doing?!  
  
Clairre: Seeing what you smell like! You smell strange!!  
  
Vincent: Then don't sniff me!  
  
Claire: Ok. Why don't you do the disclaimer this time.  
  
Vincent: Do I have to?  
  
Claire: (Brandishes a large sword) Doooo it!  
  
Vincent: OK! Claire does not own any of the Final Fantasy Seven characters, places, items ect. So you can't sue her Squaresoft.  
  
Claire: Good Vincent! (Gives Vincent a cookie)  
  
Vincent: *sigh* Can I go now?  
  
Claire: No.  
  
Vincent: What, no complicated explanation?  
  
Claire: Nope. You just cant leave.  
  
Vincent: Why?   
  
Claire: (Shrugs) I dunno, you just can't. I guess if you leave the fangirls will get you.  
  
Vincent: Are you a fangirl?  
  
Claire: NO!  
  
Vincent: Good! Write the fanfic.  
  
Claire: Ok. Just out of interest, what DO you wear to sleep in?  
  
Vincent: Just my underwear, like most people!  
  
Claire: AHHHHHHH!!!!! BAD MENTAL PICTURE!!!!!! (Runs around room trying to get vision of Vincent in his undies out of her head) I'm never gonna be able to look at you again am I?!?!  
  
Vincent: Well, you were the one that asked!  
  
Claire: Well I wasn't expecting THAT!!!   
  
Vincent: Well it's kinda hard to find pajamas when you have an arm made of metal!  
  
Claire: Given. But you should have just told me to fuck off! I'm gonna have to rate this fic R!  
  
Vincent: No your not! Just write the damn fic!  
  
Claire: Ok! By the way, what colour are thay?  
  
Vincent: CLAIRE! (Points Death Penalty at Claire)  
  
Claire: Just askin'! Ok! Fanfic!  
  
*************************************  
  
The Ninja Bratt  
  
----------------  
  
Reno lent against a street corner. He looked around. The Slums where just as he rendered. He inhaled the slum air deeply and then half choked on it. Yep, nothin new there. A organ grinder struck up a song that sounded vaugley like 'Underneath the Rotting Pizza'. Reno walked up to him and said: "If I give you a hundred gill, will you bugger off for the day?"  
  
"Ta, sir" said the organ grinder and left. Reno returned to his corner. A brunette girl in a blue jacket walked down the street. Ok, Reno thought, Act cool, remember what Vincent said: Ignore her.   
  
"Reno! Hi!" Henna called and walked towards him.  
  
"Hello" said Reno as morbidly as he could.  
  
"I didn't know you had a slums shift"  
  
"Coincidence, I guess" Ha, Reno thought, coincidence my ass! It took him ages to get the same shift as Henna! I hope she apricates this!  
  
"Oh yeah, I um want 'd to apologize for the other night, I was kinda upset...." it was at this moment that Yuffie decided to make her appearance. You know how flys are drawn to a bug zapper? Well Yuffies are drawn to any Vincent like behavior.  
  
"Hi Reno!" she giggled. Oh no! Reno thought, Not the Bratt, anything but the Bratt !  
  
"Hello Yusie"  
  
"It's Yuffie"  
  
"Whatever" Henna looked at Yuffie.  
  
"Is this your girlfriend?" Henna asked Reno.  
  
"NO!" Replied Reno, dropping the Melancholy act.  
  
"Hay, thats so mean!" squealed Yuffie. Reno turned to Henna.  
  
"Hay babe, lets ditch the kid and go somewhere we can talk..." Reno was not expecting Hennas response. Henna looked livid and punched the redhead squarely in the jaw.  
  
"Don't EVER call me babe!!!" she shouted and stormed off. Reno stood there, rubbing his jaw.  
  
"Hehehe! Got what you deserved!" laughed Yuffie, and ran after a rich looking guy.   
  
"What just happened!!!" Said Renno for the second time.  
  
"It's called rejection, mate" said the organ grinder.  
  
"Now this is scary!"  
  
**************************************************  
  
Soz this is such a short chapter! but im tired so....  
  
Oh and soz about the hyper disclaimers! I was just hyper when i wrote them!  
  
Vincent: Your always hyper!  
  
Claire: I know. 


	4. The Golud SaucerTake 1

Disclaimer:  
  
Claire: Heloooo! I would like to give a big thank you to all nice people who have managed to get this far! And to all my reviewists! Ta guys! You give me the courage to continue on with this crappy fic and do evil, nasty, inhuman and just downright mean things to Reno!  
  
Reno: Why me! Couldn't you just....  
  
Vincent: Hang on, why are you here? (Thinks for a second) CLAIRE!!! What have I told you about capturing random characters from games ect.? (Points to back off room where Tseng is tied to a chair)  
  
Claire: Ok, I get the picture!! Man you sound just like my farther!  
  
Vincent: Is your mother jenova?  
  
Claire: NO!  
  
Vincent: Then its not posible.  
  
Claire: Look, it's just an expersio...  
  
Reno: I WANNA BE THE CENTER OF ATENTION AGAIN!!!!  
  
Vincent&Claire: SHUT UP TURK!  
  
Vincent: Oh god, I have been hanging around you to long.  
  
Claire: Yeah, were realy growing on each other! (Sings Growing On Me by The Darkness)  
  
Vincent:Please stop that.  
  
Claire: *I can't get rid of you*  
  
Vincent: Hush!  
  
Claire: *Nah nah nah nah nah nah*  
  
Vincent: Be quiet!  
  
Claire: *I don't know what to do-oo*  
  
Reno: Quit it!  
  
Claire: *Nah nah nah nah nah nah*  
  
Reno: Will someone shut her up!!??  
  
Claire: *I don't even know who is growing on who*  
  
Tiax: *Yeah Yeeeaaah*  
  
Claire, Vincent, Reno&Tseng: O_o  
  
Tiax: Well it shut her up didn't it??  
  
Vincent, Reno&Tseng: (mumble in agrement)  
  
Claire: Hay, I just realised, I'm the only girl here!  
  
Tseng: Mmph glmph! (he's gaged)  
  
Claire: Oh yeah! Thanks Tseng! The disclaimer! Reno, do the dislaimer!  
  
Reno: No, if I don't do the disclaimer then you can't write the fic and do mean things to me!!  
  
Claire: (Jumps on Renos shoulders and pulls his hair)  
  
Reno: OK! OK! I'LL DO THE DISCLAIMER! JUST GET OFF MY HAIR!!!  
  
Claire: Good Reno! (Gives Reno a cookie)  
  
Vincent: Hay thats my cookie!  
  
Reno: Hah! Mine now!  
  
Vincent: (Looks evily at Reno)  
  
Reno: *Smirk* Claire does not own any of th...OW! (Claire has poked him with his own electricy cattle prody thingy)  
  
Claire: (Evil low voice) Give the cookie to Vincent.  
  
Reno: But...OW!  
  
Reno: Oh ok! (Gives Vincent cookie) Claire does not own any of the final fantasy seven characters, items or places. There, happ...OW! What was that for?!?  
  
Claire: Fun.  
  
*****************************************  
  
The Gold Saucer-Take 1  
  
----------------------  
  
"Only five days left!" said a triumphant Elena. Reno grumbled and took another sip of coffee. I must win! He thought, Or I will never here the end of it!   
  
"Hey!" droned Reno "I've got a plan!"  
  
"Well, if it's true to your fashion Ren, you might as well just give up now, save yourself the pain!" Laughed Rude. Reno just smiled and ordered another coffee.  
  
*****************************  
  
"Hey, Henna" said Reno casually as Henna walked by. She turned around and looked at him scathingly.  
  
"What? I'm kinda busy right now....."  
  
"Look, I just want 'd to say sorry about before, I mean, I act kinda crazy around girls who are as pretty as you" Reno braced himself for a punch, but Henna just smiled, blushing slightly.  
  
"Well, um thanks Reno!" Reno flashed another 'Reno Smile'.  
  
"So, um, I was wondering.... Do you wanna' go up to the Gold Saucer with me tonight?" Reno kind of mumbled the last line but it seemed to have got through ok, because Henna blushed even brighter.  
  
"Sure, I've got nothing better to do!" Reno smiled at the thought of Elena doing manual labor.  
  
"Pick you up at seven?" He smiled. I've won! He thought.  
  
"Sure, seven is fine. I live at 34 Hightfield Terrace. I'll see you then!"  
  
*****************************  
  
Ahhh, the Gold Saucer, Thought Reno, The place with the most annoying soundtrack...EVER! Last time I came here it was with Yuffie.... No Reno, concentrate on one girl at a time. You can think about Yuffie, after you have won the bet. He inhaled some of the air, it tasted vaugly of candy floss. Blegh! He looked at Henna. She was wied eyed and exited. She had never been to the Gold Saucer before, mostly work got in the way of dates and that sorta' thing. Well, thought Reno, This is gonna' be the most memorable night of her life! He slyly slid his hand into hers. Henna turned to face him, looked into his eyes, to the hand and back in front of her again. She secretly wished her hand didn't start sweating! Ok, thought Reno, So far so go....  
  
"WHAA!" Thump. "Owwww!" Hmmm, how did this happen? Reno thought, I seem to be on the floor. And in some deal of pain. And where did that Chocobo come from.....GET UP FOOL! He hastily got up and brushed himself off. He was painfully aware that all most every eye in the Gold Saucer was on him.  
  
"He he he ! Hay Reno! Your face has turned the same color as your hair!" laughed Henna. This is not going well.  
  
******************************  
  
"Ha ha! Real smooth Ren!" laughed Rude. Elena pouted.  
  
"I allways wished Tseng would ask me to the Gold Saucer, not you!" a dreamy look came into her eyes as she said the word Tseng. Rude sighed.  
  
"I have all ready said, this is not a date! We are just here to watch Reno fail, or IF he somehow succeeds! Otherwise he'll just lie...Get it!?!"  
  
"Fine! Well, he looks like he's gonna fail. So can't I just..."  
  
"No. We are in this together. Anyway, This should be a laugh-a-second show"  
  
****************************  
  
Shit, shit, shit. This is not going well. Ten minutes into the date, and I've all ready crashed into a bloody Chocobo! Thought Reno. He felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to face Henna, who started to draw closer to him. This is it! Thought Reno. He tilted his head slightly.  
  
"Hold still Reno" she muttered. Henna reached forward and... Took a large Chocobo feather out of his hair. She placed it in his hand. "Yellow doesn't go with red" Damn Chocobos! 


End file.
